© 2015 by Sarah Geesey Studio.

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Current for Women 3/13

03/04/2013

 

Well, the next C4W is almost upon us! I’m excited and afraid at the same time. It’s been a year and a half since the last conference, (due to dire circumstances that have since been miraculously remedied). I have not been painting as frequently since.

 

When we started planning the first conference several years ago, Geoff and Jill (my friends who run the shebang) asked if I would consider painting rather than doing music. I said... 

 

“No way! Paint in front of people?! That’s just not me.  Just the thought makes my stomach hurt!” 

 

As an extravert, I find joy in doing most everything with OTHERS but this one thing, creating/painting, I only do...alone. When people throw “crafting parties” or when I’m asked to be involved on a design team for something or other I rarely take the invitation. The process is just too personal and takes a lot of concentration. I go to a place...just me and God...and I don’t usually come out of it till it’s done and I’m spent. Paint in front of hundreds of people? Not going to happen.

 

But...then....

I revisited the thought and I knew what the Holy Spirit was saying to me. That thing I felt in my stomach was fear...fear of being vulnerable. Since no decision based on fear is ever a good one, I had to change my heart.

 

The first conference came and the jitters came along with it. But as soon as I turned my back to the people I went to that place...just me and Jesus. The painting took shape, from his heart and through mine, with the movements of my hands and the paint spread across the canvas. God was with me, and with each conference my confidence grows. 

 

Now....

I feel I’m back at the place I started. I have no confidence in myself. I’m totally dependent on Jesus and I guess that’s not a bad place to be.

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